It has been a very Psychobrat sort of day.
Psychobrat and Spidermonkey have broken up, which means that she will be spending all of her free time at home, whereas until recently she had practically been living at his house. (This meant that the rare times she was home, she was actually almost pleasant.) But no more of that. Psychobrat is back full-force!
My Padawan sent me a new section of her story last night, which I was quite eager to read and comment on, and promised her I would do so after work and my workout today, so right about 3. This, apparently, was not to be.
I came home at 2:15 with the intention of chilling at the computer for a few minutes just to decompress so I could do my workout. The sun, you see, does not do good things for me, and I had been standing in it for four hours, so I had a headache and wanted to zone out in the coolest room of the house (my room is hot). This, from experience, makes my heat headaches go away. But even this was not to be.
Psychobrat was on the computer, and I asked her if I could have it for a few minutes so I could relax before working out. She adamantly refused. I told her that I had promised someone I would be on it at 3, and this pissed her off.
“YOU CAN’T PROMISE SOMEONE YOU’RE GOING TO USE THE COMPUTER AT 3! IT ISN’T YOUR COMPUTER! IT’S EVERYONE’S! AND I’M USING IT!”
I told her (still calmly at this point) that I would only need it for half an hour to an hour, and then she could use it for the rest of the day.
But she was downloading something that was going to take a while and didn’t want to disrupt it.
Fair enough. I said all she had to do was switch users and her programs would keep running.
She told me I was a selfish bitch. (You have to imagine her voice as being very prissy and screechy, because that is how it sounds, unless she’s really pissed, and then she sounds like the girl from The Exorcist.)
Now here is a perfect example of her (and my father’s, because she gets it from him) circular non-logic, and the reason it is impossible to argue with either one of them. She told me it was her turn to use the computer, because she is never home and therefore never gets to use it. I told her that I had promised to be on the computer around 3. She said I couldn’t promise such things, because she was using it at 3. I said when I had made this promise, I hadn’t expected her to be home, because she never was home in the afternoons. To which she replied, “Well, I’m going to be home all the time now, because Brent and I broke up.”
…? Do you see the contradiction here? This is only one example. Every argument with either her or my father goes exactly the same way. I remember another prime example from a few weeks ago, when my dad was waking me up every morning at 7 by yelling at my little brother. This particular morning, he was yelling, “I WANT YOU TO GO TO JAIL, SO YOU CAN LEARN A LESSON!” A few minutes later, when it suited his needs for him to reply to something Brother had said a different way, he said, “I DON’T WANT YOU TO GO TO JAIL!”
Even though I was very not awake, I was still able to pick up on the contradiction, and even chuckled to myself a bit when Brother said, “You just said you wanted me to go to jail,” and Dad replied, “I DID NOT!”
Do you see why this is so frustrating? Why it is not possible to ever win an argument or defend yourself to either one of them? They contradict themselves and disregard logic at all. This is why I’ve questioned so often whether or not I am going insane, and why I bottle up my emotions until I explode, and why I so often just try to hide in my room when either of their tempers flare up. Can any one of you honestly tell me that you could argue with these people and not eventually decide just not to open your mouth ever? That’s what it’s like living at my house. What’s worse is that she hates me, and everybody else here, and he favors her, so they both constantly jump down my throat and I get it even worse than anyone sometimes. But it’s okay, because I can put up with it for a few more years, and then I am moving out. I will live with The Mormon, and things will be so much better.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family very much; I just need to live apart from them.
But where was I? I got off on a tangent. Psychobrat. Right. So I gave up on getting on the computer at any point anywhere near 3, and did my workout not on my own strength, but on anger. And because I never decompressed, my headache is still lingering.
Then I went and took a shower and went to my room, because she was still on the computer. But by this point I had decided just not to get on until about 9, when I would go ahead and respond to my Padawan, a bit later than promised. This would give her the rest of the day to use it as long as she wanted, and when I finally got on, my time would be uninterrupted and she couldn’t argue with me.
I sat down at 9:35, and she walked in the door at 9:45, after having been out who knows where. She approached me and simpered, “Can I have the computer for five minutes?”
I looked at her. “You must be joking,” I said.
“No, I just want it for a few minutes to check all my stuff.”
“Well, you can have it for a few minutes tomorrow. It’s my turn now.”
“It isn’t your turn. There are no turns. You don’t own this computer.”
“Well, that’s too bad for you, because I’m not getting off.”
“YES, you ARE! I WANT IT!” (Imagine the Exorcist voice now.)
“And now you know how it feels.”
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NOW I KNOW HOW IT FEELS!?” (At this point, the computer restarted, and continued restarting every time I logged on for the rest of this conversation. I suspected that Psychobrat was channeling Carrie.)
“This doesn’t sound familiar to you from…oh, about 6 hours ago?”
“I WAS DOWNLOADING SOMETHING!”
“You could have switched users for a few minutes. It wouldn’t have hurt anything.”
“THIS ISN’T FAIR!”
“I agree; it isn’t fair.”
“GET OFF; I WANT IT!”
“THIS ISN’T FAIR!”
“As I already stated, I agree with you. It certainly isn’t fair.”
“I HAVE TO CHECK MY STUFF!”
“Well, you can check it tomorrow when I’m at work for 11 hours.”
“I HAVE TO CHECK IT NOW!”
Finally I got so sick of it restarting and being called selfish over and over again (and as I’ve explained, there simply is no way to defend yourself), I just got off. It was about 9:50. Psychobrat immediately took over and used it until 11. That, apparently, is 5 minutes to her.
The 47-Year-Old came over today. This is the nickname of the guy who is actually 25 and whom Psychobrat met at my brother’s day care one summer when she was 14 and he was 21, and where she had been sent as punishment for the summer before, when she was fucking The Jackass from down the street every day. She was cleaning her room last night since he was coming over. This involved washing her sheets. I’m not sure I want to speculate upon that one.
I actually feel bad talking about Psychobrat like this. But it’s helped my anger completely go away. Now that I’ve written all these horrible things about her, all I feel is guilt. The anger is gone. But my conscience is very strong.
I’m going to change the subject. Want to hear something sweet for a change? I don’t deserve this, because I’m really a pretty horrible person, as evidenced by all of the above…but I am thankful for it. I think The Mormon is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, and I will never stop being grateful for that.
Have you ever had a class with some guy (or girl) that you thought was really hot, and maybe you didn’t know them at all really, but when the semester ended, you were sort of sad that you wouldn’t see them anymore? The Mormon told me today that I was this person to him, back when we were in that sociology class together. He thought I was incredibly hot (“not to be superficial,” he said) and even mentioned me to his friends, although we’d only spoken once or twice and didn’t even know each other’s names. And I thought nothing of it at all. It never occurred to me at this time to be attracted to him.
He told me that when he saw me on the first day in our creative writing class, he was ecstatic, and started trying to figure out a way to tell me he was interested, but because he was shy, said nothing for almost the entire class. And all the way through, he realized that he liked me more and more. (And I was completely unaware of this for about three months. He’s experiencing all this inner turmoil, and I’m just blissfully ignorant.)
Anyway, I was all, “I was that girl. That rocks!”
And…I’m just so happy to have him and that he loves me so very much.