I’m not a vain person. I’ve never considered myself vain in any way (come on—with hair like mine, you can’t be)—and I never would have thought I was vain about anything at all, until today. While brushing my teeth, I noticed that my top teeth—the two next to my very front ones—are growing…crooked. I had an effing cow.
My teeth can’t get crooked! My top teeth are perfect and always have been and I love them and I want them to stay perfect, damn it! My smile is my trademark. It is. And this didn’t really mean anything to me until today when I noticed the slight slant of those two teeth. Suddenly, my entire life flashed before my eyes. (Okay, I exaggerate, but different random things did pop in to my head!) My smile’s my best feature; I know it is. That’s what people always tell me—“you have such a cute smile”. Even Milo said so. If my perfect upper teeth get crooked, I’ll flip out.
Those damned wisdom teeth have to come out!
I picked up Psychobrat from work tonight, and she was telling me she’d gone to Ruby Tuesday for lunch. I knew Mark was working a double shift today, so he had to have been there, and so I said, “Your waiter wasn’t Mark, was he?”
“I don’t know; what did he look like?”
“Oh, tall, dark hair, not bad-looking, really….”
“Did he look like a young Brendan Fraser a little?”
I hadn’t thought that, but I could maybe sort of see where she’d get that idea.
“Yeah, a little, I guess,” I said.
She told me how he’d pulled up a chair to their table and sat and talked to them about everything under the sun, and I’m like, “Yeah, that’s him.”
He called tonight. Left a message, because I, of course, did not answer. He explained that he hadn’t called before because he’d worked double shifts today and yesterday, but that he wanted to know if I could hang out next time I’ve got free time, and if I didn’t get the message tonight, he’d just call tomorrow, no problem.