Okay. (You know it’s always going to be good when I begin with the word “okay” and try to pass it off as a sentence.) My plan…isn’t working exactly the way I expected. Oh, sure, I’m doing fine with the acting, and with the not complaining to anyone but my designated complainees (although I’ve slacked a bit there)…and with the not doing things with the intention of making him jealous (because of the Bible verse Cortney asked me to try on for size).
But the Bible verse wasn’t just telling me not to make him jealous; 2nd Corinthians was very clear that envy is unacceptable on anyone’s terms, and I have been feeling very jealous. How can I not? He has a girlfriend. He stated as much to Casey. (He still has not told me anything, but the fact remains that the word “girlfriend”, in regards to her, has come out of his mouth.)
So…I guess I just didn’t take into consideration that I would get jealous. I sort of forgot, in all my planning, that I might have feelings, too.
I don’t wish to talk about my feelings here, however. A moment ago I did, but now I can’t bring myself to post them–mainly, I suppose, because it is in violation of the vows that I made a while back.
And the jealousy just continues to get to me. I can’t make it go away. How can you make something like that go away? Unless the situation changes, it’s there.
As I said, though, I don’t want to and can’t talk about my feelings, so I am changing the subject now.
…But I am so longing for the opportunity to innocently suggest the idea that her eyes are too close together, just to mess with his head. (See the original Parent Trap.)
In other news….
I’ve got two technical dates this weekend (I say “technical”, because I choose not to consider them such until I know that that’s definitely what the guy considers it). And yes, only two, not three or four or however many Dennis thinks it is. (Tinny told me, after watching The Phantom of the Opera, that I should tell everyone I have a boyfriend named Erik. Or Gerry. I think I’ve finally convinced him that Erik and Gerry are the same person; I just wonder how long before it sinks in that they are completely two-dimensional and that the Erik side of him does not actually exist—although Tinny may have gotten the non-existent side across to him with her comment about “role-playing”.) Hanging out with John Belushi (whose real name he fortunately reminded me of when he called—it’s Adam) on Friday, and then on Saturday, I am going to see Logan with Elliot.
See, Dennis keeps trying to make plans, and it’s always on a day that I already have plans, so I keep informing him that I am going to see Erik. (I think Dennis is jealous of Erik. Haha.)
Everything I’ve said in here tonight feels really incomplete and just…empty. It just doesn’t feel right.
Okay, I need to get my homework done, and I can’t remember what else (if anything) I’d wanted to say, so I’m through here for the night, except for this quote from dinner earlier:
“I can’t believe it; we’ve got fish and chips, and the Cornish Pixie still goes to the other line!”
Patrick, the Cornish Pixie, is apparently afraid of me…or at least, that’s what I think. I think I scared him away because I kept flirting with him, or he possibly has a girlfriend or is very shy. Sigh.