Tinny gave me the Blu-Ray of The Phantom of the Opera for my birthday, so my parents decided to watch it with me. I knew my mom was tired; I honestly knew before it started that she would fall asleep (as she inevitably does when she watches one that late at night). But at least she saw parts of it. Or at least, I thought she saw parts of it.
Here’s what actually happened.
After all was said and done, and the credits were rolling by, my mom had to go to the bathroom, so I’m sitting there with my dad, and then the credits end, and he says, “…Huh.”
I looked over, and he said, “I really liked that movie.”
“Told you it was good,” I said. I’d already known he’d like it.
“Well, what’s wrong with Milo?” he said.
“Oh, yeah, Milo doesn’t like this movie,” I said. “I don’t know why; we usually have…basically identical taste in films.”
“Well, before we turned the movie on, he told your mom she’d be asleep in five minutes once it started.”
“Yeah…he really didn’t like it,” I said.
“Well…I really enjoyed it,” my dad said.
“Now you see why I like it so much,” I said.
I actually expected him to say something along the lines of, “Well, I don’t see how you could keep watching it over and over,” or just a sort of snort of derision, but instead he said, “Yeah….”
Then he said, “I think you and I share the same heart.”
Okay…that’s a really nice thing for anybody to say. I would never have expected my dad to say something like that to me.
So then Mom came back from the restroom, and she started asking questions. From the questions she asked, we quickly realized she hadn’t seen any of the movie. Maybe 15 minutes, total.
I had pointed out to them that Minnie Driver played Carlotta; my dad had known this, but my mom hadn’t noticed.
So I was running through the actors I knew, other things they’d been in, because my mom had said she didn’t recognize anyone else, and my dad said, “And who did you say played Christine?”
Before I could answer, my mom said, “Now, which one was Christine?”
We just kind of laughed and were like, “Just…go back to sleep. We’ll wake you in the morning.”
My dad said, “That girl looked…a lot like you.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s a pretty frightening resemblance, actually. She even has, like, freckles on her face in the same places as me.”
“I know! I noticed that!” my dad said.
My mom said, “I’ve never thought Minnie Driver looked like you.”
My dad was like, “No, the other girl! Christine! Just take off Ginny’s glasses.”
My mom said, “And Christine was Minnie Driver?”
It was hopeless.