It feels like the entire world is asleep. It’s a really alone sort of feeling when you’re wide awake but everyone else in the house is asleep and not a single light is on, and you can’t turn a light on where you’re sitting because people are sleeping in the living room.
I was watching SNL earlier out in the living room, when suddenly my dad, mom, and brother came out and all start talking at once and then decided to test out the new speakers. So I turned up the volume a bit…and then my dad said, “Can you turn that down, so we can hear what we’re doing?”
I turned it down, leaned forward a bit…still couldn’t hear it, so I turned it back up where I’d had it…I think it was just over the volume of the music. But I still couldn’t quite hear it, so I moved forward a bit more, and then decided to go watch in my parents’ bedroom.
I was in there watching, and then my mom came in to go to bed, so I leaned out the door, asked my dad if the TV was still on out there, and he said, “No; it was on so obnoxiously loud, we just turned it off.”
This was obviously supposed to be some sort of insult to me and my bitchiness or obliviousness, one or the other, so I just said, “Mm,” and went back into their room to watch it while my mom tried to sleep.
Even earlier than all of this, I read something on Facebook about HIV and how men and men should be concerned….
I don’t understand. HIV used to be a disease affecting mainly homosexual males, because the first reported case was one. But it isn’t like that anymore. It affects everybody. Why do people still make it out like it’s only something that homosexual males can get? That’s like saying, “Oh, don’t worry, you’re a straight female, it can never happen to you…” but it’s not true. They don’t need to be giving people that impression. It’s a threat to everyone. So I said something to that effect.
Why can’t I ever remember that I’m not supposed to have a brain when my dad is around? Either he’s making fun of me because I’m oblivious (because I’m not voicing an opinion, I suppose), or he’s somehow twisting around whatever I’ve said to make it sound as though I am.
He got all pissed off and started ranting about how my mom could have gotten AIDS right before I was born, because the doctors wouldn’t allow her to accept a blood transfusion from in the family, and AIDS had just come to their state then, and it’s all those damned homosexuals who fuck 10 or 11 people a night and then fuck women too, because they’re bisexual, and if it weren’t for them it wouldn’t be a problem, but now it is affecting everybody, and damn those homosexuals for fucking 10 or 11 people every night…yada yada yada, you get the idea.
I just…stared at him through this whole thing, because it was so not a logical response to what I’d said, there really wasn’t anything I could say.
Finally I said, “That’s not at all what I was saying; I was only wondering why they still make it out to look like it only affects homosexual males, when it doesn’t; it affects everybody.”
He responded with something about damned homosexuals and why was I standing up for them and he couldn’t believe I condoned that lifestyle, did I think it was normal to fuck 10 or 11 people a night, would I expect him or anyone else to look at me like I was normal if I fucked 10 or 11 people a night…on and on.
So I snapped back, “That has nothing at all to do with what I was saying!” I then repeated the comment I’d made in the beginning, and he said, “Well, it does affect everybody! That’s the problem!”
“That’s what I said in the first place!” I said.
“Oh…well, it sounded to me like you were defending that lifestyle,” he grumbled.
*Heavy sigh; look of frustration.*
Nothing else of interest occurred today. It was a really weird day, actually…I just couldn’t focus. On anything. I felt sort of panicky all day, for no reason.