First of all…I told Milo I’d go to the movie with him whenever he had a chance to go, since he didn’t get to go with us last night…and then this morning he gets up before me and just goes! He’s either with his sister or Moe, I don’t know which one.
I go into the kitchen to find something to eat, and I want this frozen meat pie thing, and Psychobrat grabs it out of my hand, says, “THAT’S MINE!” and starts yelling at me about how I have no respect for her or anyone else in our family, so I’m just saying stuff like, “Mm,” and “Okay”…little fillers just to give the impression that I’m listening.
So finally I say, “Do you realize you’re exactly like Dad?” She said, “Yeah, I do!” and I said, “And that makes you happy?” She said, “I’d rather be like Dad than be like you.” I said, “Yeah. That’s intelligent.” She said, “At least when I move out on my own, I’ll be able to take care of myself.”
I said, “And I won’t?”
“No, you won’t,” she said. “You don’t know how to take care of yourself. You never do anything around the house.”
“Okay,” I said.
“You don’t,” she said, “I do everything to clean up!”
I said, “You get paid to clean up.”
She said, “Well at least I do something! You don’t clean anything unless Milo is or Mom is! Milo even said so.”
This is where she finally struck a chord. I can see where she might have had a similar conversation with Milo the other day when they were arguing. Because anytime he or my mom starts cleaning, I always jump in to help them. He might have said that to Psychobrat. And if he actually said that that’s the only time I ever do anything, then that means her manipulation really is working.
So she started ranting, giving me that whole speech she gave me every day when we were growing up in Virginia, the one about how I’m worthless and she’s so much better and prettier than me, and no one likes me and I don’t deserve to live, yada yada yada…the same damned speech that almost led me to suicide after hearing it every day for several years…the same one she tells my family, with the guise of innocence, that she has no memory of and which I am obviously making up. We had this argument that night a year or so ago when my dad called a “family meeting” to shame Brother and me for not being able to get along with her. I was shouting at her, trying to make everyone believe this had actually taken place every day for years, but she was so calm and convincing that I was making everything up, or hallucinating, or something…I could tell they didn’t believe me. Anyway. That speech. She gave it to me today.
I’m getting sick again. I can’t take this. I can’t take it!
ETA: A little while after the events of the morning, the doorbell rang and it was Psychobrat’s ride to work. She was in the bathroom at the time, so she yelled at one of us to open the door, and we didn’t do anything. So she came out of the bathroom and yelled, “I TOLD YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR!”
I said, calmly and quietly, “I’m sorry; we don’t have any respect for you.” Because if that’s going to be her mantra, we may as well make it true, right?
As they were walking out the door, Brother called to the ride, “Be careful; she’s feeling really mean today!”
Oh, and one more thing–I was expecting to get more money off my psych book than any others, and I got $5. That’s it.
It hasn’t been a very good day.