So I got home earlier and had to clean up this huge mess that the freaking dog made in the bathroom. This is the fourth time I have had to do that in three days. I was pissed. Later, I was watching TV with Milo. Sister came out of her room and started whining in that annoying whiny voice that she has, “The dog peed on the floor in the bathroom again!”
While I ignored her, Milo said, “Well then get something and clean it up!”
She said, “No, I’m just going to leave it. I already cleaned it up earlier [because I made her clean up part of the mess].”
Milo said, “Stop being lazy and go clean up the mess. Nobody else wants to do it.”
She said, “I don’t want to do it, either!”
And he said, “But you found it there! And now you’re just going to walk away from it and leave it! Take some responsibility for once.”
Sister said, “I am responsible! I clean it up all the time and nobody else does except you and my dad!”
I was already pissed by then. The only reason nobody knows about all the shit I have to clean up from the fucking dog is because I don’t complain about it every time it makes a mess.
He said, “If you were responsible, you wouldn’t just walk away from a mess like that.”
She said, “I’m more responsible than either of my two siblings!”
He didn’t answer, and she just stood there looking at him for a minute before walking away.
So now I’m wondering, does he actually believe her? I sat there and didn’t say anything because the lying fucking brat always argues with me whether she has any idea what’s going on or not, and it would have made me look even worse. She’s usually arguing with me that I don’t do something which I actually do, or the other way around, or that I’m not as pretty as her or something…pointless, stupid shit. If I defend myself, it looks bad, and if I say nothing it looks bad, too. I think she plans it that way. Her goal is to make me look like her and her look like me. So…does he believe her? She says this kind of shit often enough that you’d think anyone would. She’s such a fucking manipulative brat.
And then she came out a little while later and made a comment to me that sounded like something a normal person would say. I just ignored her. I wanted to say “Fuck you” or simply give her the finger, but that would have made me look worse, too, so I just didn’t say anything and pretended to be falling asleep on the couch.
It’s the fact that I can’t defend myself that drives me so insane. It’s exactly the way it is with my dad. It’s the sort of thing that makes me want to walk out the door without a word and drive wherever the fuck I feel like it off a cliff if there’s fucking one in sight. I can’t escape from their fucking shit!
Oh, and my dad’s in his wonderful Christmas spirit again, the way he gets every year. All he does is complain and bitch and make my mom feel bad, and he tries to do it to the rest of us, too…I’ve just started ignoring him. It really pisses me off how much he likes to publicize his arguments between him and my mom. It’s been that way my entire life. He yells, first of all, knowing that we will hear, wanting us to hear, I believe knowing that he is embarrassing my mom because she is aware of everything that we are hearing. And then he makes sarcastic, crude comments to the rest of us, mainly me, it seems. So you know what I’ve started doing? I act like I’m deaf. I don’t even look at him when he makes those comments to me now. I’ve had it. Their arguments are their business, not the whole family’s! That’s not the way he sees it. But I don’t fucking care. That’s the way I see it. And that’s how I’m going to respond to it from now on–like I don’t care, like I don’t even notice it.
Sister is just like him. They’re both manipulative and come up with stupid arguments to anything you can think to say. There is no escape. There is no escape. I know that it’s true, but accepting it has only made me more depressed.
I have decided to take the dog for a one-way trip across town some night while everyone is sleeping. I can’t stand it anymore–something must be done. If flyers around my school don’t work…that’s the next step.
All right…I guess I’m done.