Making Mistakes

Cort and Nicole and some other people all told me I should date.  They all seemed to think it would be good for me and that I might actually enjoy it.  Okay…so maybe it will, and maybe I will, but let me make one thing clear in case anyone has missed it—I don’t want a relationship.  So I asked a guy out.  That doesn’t mean anything.  Is it supposed to mean something?  Now I’m confused.  I don’t think I should have done it.  Why would I ask someone out if I don’t intend to take it very far?  That’s something other people do, not me.  Well…maybe he won’t call.  Maybe he really was too shy to say no, or maybe like Brandon said, he’ll feel stupid if he does call, or…something.  I don’t know…I was close to tears after I did it, though.  I kept having to walk away from the line and eat ice so no one would notice and so I wouldn’t break down.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I don’t want to date.  I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.  So if he ever calls, yeah, I’ll go out with him, but just once.  And I’m not doing this again.  I almost feel like I forced myself into it because everyone else wanted me to.  As I’ve said constantly, I like being single.  So single I shall remain.

Got to give my kudzu speech tomorrow.  I don’t know how that’s going to go.  Guess I’ll worry about it when I get up there.

Milo looked so happy to see me when I walked in the door after work tonight…it was nice.  It was really nice.  Not that he ever looks displeased to see me, but tonight it just seemed like he was waiting for me or something.  Like, his eyes lit up when I walked in the door.


More Potter Dreams

I dreamt I was Harry Potter last night.  It was really strange because Ron and Hermione weren’t there.  And I can’t remember ever thinking about them.  It was like they had never existed.  When the dream started out, I was walking across the bridge next to this girl that I don’t know.  We were on the way to one of our classes, and I made an offhanded remark—a joke, I was completely joking, and that is very important to understand here—that “Sometimes I almost wish I was a Slytherin.  Their colors are just so much cooler than Gryffindor’s.”

It was a bad joke.  It really was.  I was completely disgusted by it when I woke up.  And the girl just looked at me with no expression…just like looking at a wall.

Parts of this dream are blurry now.  I almost forgot it completely after I woke up.  But I remember sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast one day, and now nobody was sitting with me anymore.  All the Gryffindors were sort of gathered together in little groups, and I knew they were all talking about me.  I saw them looking at me and whispering….

That night, while I was sleeping, my wand disappeared.  I woke up the next morning and it was gone.  The other guys in my room were giving me that blank stare, but it was almost like I sensed a “gleam of triumph” in their eyes.  I knew that these guys had stolen my wand.  But I couldn’t accuse them.  Apparently all the Gryffindors, for some reason, already thought I was a complete jerk.

So I went to class.  I was scolded by every teacher for not having my wand.  I saw Gryffindors staring at me everywhere, and I knew word had spread—they were all in on the joke.  I suddenly knew what it felt like to be completely alone.

And it only got worse.  The whispers continued.  My wand didn’t turn up.  I started receiving cruel notes in my belongings—which, I guess fortunately, I can’t remember what was inside—and at mealtimes, disgusting, non-edible Potions supplies mysteriously ended up in my food, while I saw students laughing outright.  And then the whispers became jeers.  They were no longer trying to hide anything.  They became downright nasty.  And then someone stole my tie, so I started getting in trouble with every teacher again for not being properly attired.

It is interesting to note that the only people I recognized in this dream were the teachers and Malfoy and his friends.  Everyone else seemed to be a stranger.  No—Dean and Seamus were there.  I did see them.

When we got to Potions, Snape announced that we would not need our wands that day, making sure to give me a Snape-ish look.  I was relieved by this…at least maybe I wouldn’t get a zero for the day.  He asked us to take out our textbooks, and I looked in my bag…and it wasn’t there.

I looked up, and all the Gryffindors were staring at me gleefully.  Everyone else in the room had their books out.  Snape approached my desk and said, “Potter…where is your book?”

“I don’t have it, sir,” I said, glaring straight ahead.  Snickers from behind me.

Snape had a field day.  “You don’t have it….  Unprepared for class once again, Potter?”

“Yes, sir, I suppose I am.”  I was growing furious.  I still didn’t even know why I was being singled out in this way by all of these students who were supposed to be my friends.  It hurt.  I could only pretend for so long that it didn’t bother me—it did.  I was alone and friendless, with plenty of enemies to boot, and for no good reason that I knew of!

“What a surprise,” Snape sneered, and looked at Malfoy approvingly.  Apparently, he thought Malfoy was responsible for this.  I knew he was wrong.  At this point, Malfoy was not my worst enemy—the Gryffindors were.  “You’ll just have to take another zero, then, won’t you?”

Potions was hell.  And I was livid.  I had had enough.  When class was over, I stalked out of earshot of Snape, approached another girl I did not recognize, and said, “I used to have this idea of Gryffindors as the epitome of chivalry…sort of like the Knights of Camelot.  Why can’t someone come straight with me and just explain why everybody hates me?  I don’t understand; I mean, is that too hard to ask?  I guess Gryffindor just isn’t what I thought it was.”

And I walked away from her.  I thought, as I walked away, that she had looked quite stunned.  Maybe she hadn’t expected me to actually confront anyone about the issue.  That must be what it was.

But then from behind me, a couple of students—Gryffindors—ran forward and apologized.

“Harry,” said the girl to whom I had once joked that I might want to be a Slytherin, “we didn’t know.  We thought you knew what was going on.  We didn’t know you had no idea.”

“Everybody thought you were this stuck-up snob,” a guy said.  “We thought you understood why everyone hated you.”

“But now we see we were wrong,” the girl said.  “Let me be the first to say I’m sorry—I think I may have started everything, because I took you seriously when you made that Slytherin comment.”

That’s what this was all about!?” I asked in disbelief.  That was completely ridiculous.

“Well…yes…a bit,” she said, obviously embarrassed.  “We just thought you were really full of yourself.  That was just the last straw.”

And then everybody came forward together and apologized.  All of them.  That was really spectacular.

And I think that’s where it ended.

A Family Affair

Atlanta was interesting.  The drive up with my dad wasn’t too bad, but I did notice something.  He doesn’t listen to me.  Like, ever.  I’ll be telling a story and he’ll be like, “Mm-hmm…now, the thing about this painting is….”  Or laugh politely or something if I make a comment.  I asked Sister if she gets that with him and she said, “No,” and I was like, “Oh.  That figures.”

I walked out of the kitchen on Thanksgiving Day to see a crowd of people standing by the front doorway.  I didn’t recognize about half of them.  There were two adults with three kids.  Looking at the older guy, I thought he had a bit of a Jack Nicholson thing going on, but I didn’t recognize him.  It didn’t even sink in when my aunt introduced him as “Larry”.  It wasn’t until a few minutes later when I realized—wait a second—my cousin Larry!  I’d met him before, but it was when I was about two.  It’s not like I’ve never seen pictures before, but he looks a lot different now.  They introduced me to the kids and the wife, and I excused myself and moved into my room to put on my sweatshirt.  The girl followed me in there after a moment and said, “I just thought I should let you know…I think my brother sort of likes you.”

I just looked at her and said, “Aren’t we related?”

She didn’t answer that, but went on to say, “The taller one, not the shorter one.”  (An important distinction when deciding whether or not to have an affair with your cousin–if you’re going to shag one, better be sure it’s the taller one!)


She then proceeded to start talking a mile a minute about all of these high school issues…I wasn’t really listening to her.  In a moment, the two boys joined us, as well.  They were very surprised to find out that I’m in college.

Later that day, the second cousins (I guess that’s what they are—but it turns out, only by marriage—they’re not Larry’s offspring) were teaching me how to skateboard.  The older boy was using Sister’s, and I was riding his, until she came outside and bitched about it (they had gotten the smallest bit of mud on the bottom, and a bit on the grip tape) and took it back inside to bitch to my parents.  They were all like, “Geez, is she always like that?” and I said, “Yeah, she’s naturally pretty anal-retentive.”  I tried to explain that she doesn’t ride her skateboard, that she only uses it for display purposes, but they still felt really bad—even though I told them not to worry about it—and went inside and tried to wash the grip tape with soap.  So now her grip tape is ruined.  Later, my dad was wondering why they had bothered to buy her such an expensive board (remember when she ordered my mom to get her the $200 one?) if she never rides it.  (She didn’t use it once on the entire trip.)  And I said, “Well, I told you she only wanted to display it.”  He actually agreed.  Incredible.

At one point while I was learning, I fell off—well, not fell—I flew.  I was actually airborne there for a couple of seconds.  It was as if the board and I simultaneously sprung in opposite directions.  It was awesome.  And then I hit pavement.  It hurt pretty bad for a few minutes there…maybe like 10…but I felt better after a while.

Oh–remember back when I had my first-ever panic attack because of the wet floor by the shower?  This is a constant thing.  Sister is always bitching about me leaving water on the bathroom floor when I take a shower.  (Because there’s usually not a towel on the floor for whatever reason, and my hair drips all over.)  Well, my aunt’s house, there is carpet over most of the bathroom floor, and then right in front of the shower is a big towel.  So I dripped on the towel, and then Sister took a shower after me and complained to Dad that I got the towel wet.  She’s just never satisfied.

Dad made a point of approaching me about it later, but of course, there were other people around, so he couldn’t scream at me.  He just said, “The towel is not there to catch the drips.”

I stared blankly at him for a second like he was insane, then said simply, “Okay,” and walked away.  (Refer back to the image of the Doctor above.)

Overall, I actually had a pretty good time this year.  I always do.  And I finally got my kudzu speech written today, so I can stop stressing until Thursday when I have to present it.  I didn’t write it in essay form first, so it may be even more difficult to understand my notes when I actually get up there.  We’ll see how it goes.

I Would Glide 500 Miles

I dreamt that Milo and I decided to go to Scotland. I’m not exactly sure why other than we we were looking for something…but I’m not sure what.  I’m also not sure whether or not we found whatever it was…I woke up before then.  But what was weird was we were sort of gliding all over Scotland—I’m serious, gliding!  Not walking.  It looked like we were on skateboards, but there were no boards…we were just…gliding.  And really fast.  Almost like flying, but…not.  Like on a skateboard.  But faster.  I don’t know how else to describe that.

We don’t need no education….

Last night Milo and I were watching old episodes of SNL on some app on his phone.  There was this one skit with Seth Meyers in which he played “Mr. J.”, the Coolest Teacher in School.  He was a laid-back sorta guy whom all the students loved, until “Phil” walked into the room…“accidentally”.  Luke Wilson portrayed Phil, who at first appeared to be a student, as his quality of laid-backness was much more apparent than Mr. J.’s…but instead, he was the new history teacher, who had wandered into the wrong room “by mistake”.  It seemed his actual intention was to win over all the students and become the new Coolest Teacher in School (who didn’t believe in last names).  However, the school principal wandered in, removed Phil’s long wig, and revealed that he was, in actuality, the most hated teacher in school in disguise, trying to draw loyalty away from Mr. J., whom he despised for being what he himself could never be.  In the end, the students realized once again how much they loved Mr. J., and Mr. J. decided not to resign (because he could no longer teach without his status as “Coolest Teacher in School”) and agreed to go with some girl to get her abortion next week.  Something like that.

I kept thinking about how Pierce was the coolest teacher at our school…I guess this is why he seeped into my subconscious last night.  I dreamed that he talked Cortney and me (I guess we were still in high school) into transferring to that really nice school, with the beautiful auditorium, where he lives (about 40 minutes from here).  So we arrived, dressed in our Hogwarts uniforms, at this school which turned out to be a boarding school.  There was a wall around the school with this huge iron gate at the entrance…it kinda seemed like a prison, I suppose…but Cort and I just thought it was pretty.

So we start attending classes.  There was this assembly on the first day of school, and everybody sat at rigid attention in the auditorium, while the headmaster/principal/whatever gave an introductory speech.  Everybody seemed to pay him the utmost attention and respect.  Everyone was so well-behaved!  I also noticed that everybody, dressed in their school uniforms (which did not match our Hogwarts ones at all) looked really preppy and snobby…anyway.

There was a fountain.  A big, pretty fountain, in the main courtyard right inside the gate.  It has absolutely nothing to do with the story, but I remember it in the dream, so I thought I’d point it out.

Cort and I arrived at our first class, where we were seated at these long, rectangular tables, like students would sit at in elementary school.  The teacher, standing at the front of the room, asked us with this big cheery grin to please open our textbooks to page 2 and complete exercises A through E.  The textbooks were really thin, hardback, and reminded me a lot of those spelling books we had in like, 1st through 6th grades.  We noticed immediately that all of the students opened their books at the exact same time in the exact same way.  We were a couple of seconds behind, and the teacher came up behind us and said sweetly, “Don’t you two want to do the assignment?” and Cort said, “Yeah, we are” and I said, “We were just taking in the scenery” and we both grinned at her.  She smiled still more sweetly and walked back to her big wooden desk.  Cort and I looked at each other like, “Whoa…that was weird” and got to work.

After a couple of hours in one class (it seemed the school days were a lot longer than normal) we would have these 5-minute breaks, and we noticed again, on break, that all the students closed their books at the exact same time in the exact same way.  We kept exchanging glances like, “What is this!?”  We sort of listened to the students’ conversations…they all did seem pretty snobby, though…I wish I could remember the sorts of things they talked about, but I don’t.

Later, we change classes, and now we are in Mr. J.’s class.  How great is that!?  He was so much more personable, normal, and less creepy than that other woman.  And while there was still that feeling of sameness among all the students, it was more relaxing in Mr. J.’s class.  He was more human.  And then we realized that everybody else in this school seemed horribly robotic.  That was the word!  Robotic.  We hadn’t known how to describe it before that point.

The next thing I remember happening is Cort and me deciding to crawl through air shafts in the school and try to listen in on conversations among the faculty.  We did so, but…we didn’t really hear anything.

So we decided to appeal to Mr. J., because obviously.  What better course of action could there be?  He was the most human of anyone else in the entire school.  If he didn’t know what was going on, we assumed, no one would.  We arrived in his classroom off-schedule one day, at a time when we knew he didn’t have any students, and under the guise of needing extra help with an assignment.  Since we were transfers, we were just a little behind all the other students and needed to work that much harder to catch up—or so we claimed.  We asked Mr. J. if he had noticed anything particularly strange about the rest of the school.

At first, Mr. J. listened, dead serious.  Then he laughed, like we didn’t know what we were talking about, and said, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”  This was very distressing.  It was even more distressing a moment later when he grew solemn again and said (with a completely straight face), “You know I can turn you in to the headmaster for asking questions.  You know you’re not supposed to do it.  But because I am the Coolest Teacher in School, I’ll let you off with a warning this time.  Don’t do it again.  Now unless you had any real questions about schoolwork…enjoy your lunch break.  You can eat in here if you want.  I’ve got soft drinks.”

But Cortney insisted that we go somewhere where we could talk.  We went back to our room, where no other students were at that time, because everybody else was down eating lunch.  We discussed the fact that the school was really creeping both of us out, but that if we tried to escape from it, some of the faculty could probably become pretty dangerous…it just seemed that way, we thought, based on dozens of movies we’d seen.  So we decided not to do anything yet, and just bide our time.

A couple of weeks later, Mr. J. asked us both to see him during lunch.  Having no idea what this could possibly be about (we were both doing very well with all of our work, as all the work that ever seemed to be done in that school was elementary-type stuff), we showed up, clueless.

Mr. J. shut the door and said, completely serious once again (which was strange, as he was rarely serious), “Okay…I pretended to think you two were crazy…but I have reason to believe your minds are in grave danger at this school.  All of ours are.  Of course I’d noticed all the things you’d mentioned to me before that day, but I didn’t know what to do about them.  I’d thought maybe I was losing my mind.  But the fact that both of you have noticed it too led me to delve a bit deeper into it.  I’ve been eavesdropping on some of the other teachers’ conversations, and I’ve involved myself in certain other espionage that could get me fired and probably much, much worse….”  After a dramatic pause, he went on to explain that there was a conspiracy among the teachers to turn all of the students into robots (not literally); they were trying to brainwash us all into becoming these perfect, ideal students (who did work that elementary-school kids could do) for the simple motive of becoming the highest-rated school in the country.

So we decided to start making plans to run away.  Cort and I would spend each lunch in his room (“which wouldn’t be at all noticeable,” he pointed out, “because I am the Coolest Teacher in School”…a character flaw that had carried over from the SNL skit).  Cort and I left his classroom that day, headed back to our room, and as we walked the corriders, Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” started playing from somewhere.  This was strange—I hadn’t heard the song the day before.  It just sort of crept in there.  And it was perfect.  It made so much sense.  Another strange thing about it, though, was that it seemed to be playing, not in the actual scene, but more like overlapping, like the soundtrack in an actual movie.  I don’t think we could hear it.  Only I heard it, as though I was watching a movie.

And then I woke up (with the song in my head). I don’t know if we ever got away or not. So ends my DisturbingBehaviorSNL-real-life-whatever-else-I’m-forgetting-esque dream.

Pretty anticlimactic, eh?


Not much is really new.  I just have a cute story.

Milo and I were watching Spaceballs earlier, and I was lying on the couch while he sat here at the computer.  He said something–I don’t remember what–and I said, “That’s really funny…all I could see was your eyebrows over the computer.”  So he started moving his head so I could only see his eyes from all different angles, and then I said, “Peek-a-boo!”, and we both just cracked up.

A few minutes later, I looked up at him and he was typing away and not paying attention, so I said in baby-speak, “Wheeeeere’s Milo?”

He popped his head up over the computer and I said, “There he is!”, and we just cracked up again and he said, “That’s so much fun,” and disappeared back behind the computer.

It was cute, guys, I swear.

What she said.

For tonight’s entry, I shall be sharing Tinny’s Facebook post.  She said it all, really:

“They think I like dead guys and live girls.” – work was, in a word, bizarro tonight.

started out a teensy bit sucky. well…until “rush:05”. hahaha.

it ended well however. as usual.
the guys are hilarious.

see, ginny was talking to this guy she knows and i went to get dine-a-wipes. brandon & brian were talking about something – about her & the guy – so i say that they’ve been flirting for like, the past half hour. lol. and i go back to finish cleaning. a minute later, brian walks over and says, “i should go over there and say ‘get the hell away from my girlfriend'”. hahaha. then he’s like, “no. i should get jasper to do it”. hahahahaha. it was sooo funny. and the guy kinda heard…i think. and later, brian and brandon were like staring him down, but i dunno if the guy noticed.

it was sooo funny. you kinda had to be there, but not really.

*edit* i almost forgot…but i didn’t. some guy (whose name we need to find out now cause we now find out the names of certain customers. lol) just out of nowhere, offered ginny a glass of water, if she was feeling hot (or something like that). so of course after i find out what had happened, i was like, what about me??? i was hot & sweaty & thirsty!!! g0sh!

on to the name thing…we kinda have this…habit? hm…not really. but we’re finding out customers’ names.
for instance, there’s

2 chrises – chris #1 ALWAYS asks us how we’re doing and says “ms. t” and “ms. ginny”
chris #2 is the funny chris with the black hair who looks at us all weird when we give him very little food, or compliments us (sometimes) when we give him lots of food. lol.

steven – very nice, beautiful smile. after we told him about aforementioned smile, the aforementioned smile became the creepy smile.

steve – apparently, ginny stole his heart or something like that. or was she his girlfriend??? i can’t remember.
he’s weird.
moving on.

2 johns – john #1 has beautiful eyes. ginny complimented him on his eyes, and now he always smiles whenever he comes for food. it’s so cute…
john #2 has this weird flippy bangs-type thing going on. it’s cool though…but anyway. he said that ginny & i are his 2 favorite cafe employees. 😀

jimmy – jimmy’s so cute. enough said.

anyone else??? probably…

anyway. i aught to go to bed. but i don’t feel like it. it really doesn’t matter. i’ll fall asleep in class anyway.