Steamy Dreams of Somethingness

I have really crazy dreams sometimes, and I’ve decided to try a thing where I just convert them into fiction here as they occur.

It was my first day at a new job and my co-workers were terrified.  It was hard to say what was worrying them, just that the atmosphere was like that of a Victorian factory.  Everyone kept their heads down and only conversed in hurried whispers.  There were no smiles to be found on any of the faces.

Later in the day I got to take a quick break for lunch, and a couple of people spoke to me then.  Everyone insisted that they were trapped in this place and had been for a very long time.  The boss, they said, was evil and had certain “powers”, like those of a wizard.  He kept them all here as slaves and had set up some sort of invisible line that, if crossed, would turn a person to stone.

I hadn’t met the boss yet and this seemed rather far-fetched to me, but it was clear these people were terrified.  Then someone said, “He’s coming!” and everyone tripped over each other in their haste to get to their desks.  Too startled to think, I instead found myself frozen in place.

As I stood there stuck in the headlights, from around the corner came the most luscious young Harrison Ford imaginable.  [Harrison Ford has been the Love Of My Life since I was 7 years old.]  I’m talking:

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I just stood and stared because for one thing, he was beautiful.  But I also realized I knew who he was because [plot twist] I had been chasing him from world to world, repeatedly winning his heart, only to immediately wake up in a new world and a new identity and have to start all over again.

He had never been evil before, however.  [Or so I told myself.  Apparently my subconscious forgot about such things as What Lies Beneath and about ten minutes of Temple of Doom, because let’s just go ahead and assume that all these different “worlds” I was supposedly chasing him through were Harrison Ford films.]

He stopped in front of me and introduced himself, then explained to me where my seat was, all sarcastically because I wasn’t in it.  As I sat down, he went on to give some intimidating speech to the people just to scare them [I have no idea what it consisted of] and left again.

Naturally, I rallied the people.  I told them my plan to offer myself up in exchange for everyone else’s freedom, and that whether or not my offer was accepted, they were to leave as soon as I had him distracted.  While he was distracted, I told them, his magic could not work.  [Dream logic.]  I was almost certain I would die for my audacity and that would be the end of everything, but a small part of me thought, I know him.  He can be good again.  Maybe this is how.

The next time he came around, we were ready.  I stood up.  I could feel everyone’s eyes upon me as I made my way across the room.

He raised an eyebrow as I approached.  “Miss Jones,” he said, “I thought I showed you where your desk was.”

“Let these people go,” I said, ignoring the rebuke.  “You don’t need them.”

“You think you can tell me what I need?”

“I know what you need,” I said.  We were standing face to face now.

For a moment nothing happened.  And then he kissed me.  [So jealous of Dream Me right now!]

I started gesturing to everyone behind his back to get out now, that this was their moment.  I didn’t know what was going to happen, but the more I kissed him, the less it mattered.  It was like slowly becoming intoxicated.  All I knew was that by the time we were done, he would be good or I would be bad and nothing else mattered.

Most unfortunately I woke up right then and didn’t get to find out what happened.  But I filled in the blanks.

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Dreaming Dreams Of Nothingness

Like I said.  There’s nothing really going on right now.  I just felt like talking.

Do you know how wonderful it is to look into somebody’s eyes and really feel them?  I love that.  I love Milo’s eyes.  They’re the greatest ever.

Another thing I love is just watching him draw.   He’s really good at it. It’s just fun, just watching and waiting for him to finish and see how it turns out.  Ah, I’m just feeling dreamy today.  Coincidentally, at this moment I am listening to “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables.  I love this soundtrack.

Well, there’s really nothing going on right now.  I just wanted to spread the glow a bit.  I feel like I’m glowing right now.  I wish I could say it was founded in something real, but it’s only because I’ve been thinking about him all day.  Ahh, sigh.

I am now listening to “In My Life”.  This is such a great soundtrack.

I hate working weekends, but fortunately I only have to do it for a few more weeks, and then I can go back to whatever my regular summer schedule is.  For now, I am working only Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  Oh, joy.  Tomorrow I will be working on my research paper all day.  I hate research papers.  I’ll be working on it all day on Sunday, too.  And then I have to write my paper on Damn Yankees.  That was a really great play.  It really is a small world, as evidenced tonight at the Alhambra.  The way the theatre is set up, you usually end up sharing a table with strangers–my mom and I sat with another couple.  They were really nice and all, but we didn’t talk a lot until intermission, when they asked me if I go to school, and I informed them that I had just graduated from Sandalwood and am going to FSCJ…they asked if I knew two people who happen to be friends of mine.  It turned out that they square-dance with one’s parents, and are the next-door neighbors of the other.  Weird, huh?  Then they said that I looked familiar, and finally realized they had seen me in Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.

I really don’t have a whole lot to add. I’m getting too tired to say anything much. I think I’ll go to bed now.  Got to work hard tomorrow.

 

Tidal Vicissitude

More stream of consciousness practice tonight.  I won’t say whom this is about because this is, after all, a public space.  I do think it’s funny that, when grasping for the first descriptors to come to mind, I happened to remember this random fact about the Titanic.  I have spent a lot of time reading about the Titanic.

Slam the door and take to the hills.  I must try to win.  This flight will fulfill an urge to devastate opposition.  I have a tendency to suffocate beneath tidal vicissitude.  I taste victory in the air as I gasp for one more breath to keep me going.  Face the floundering foe.  Rush and tear its shields of outward-reaching corrosion.  Untempered steel will turn to brittle and I have been crafted to survive.  This will be the last time.  FIGHT ME!

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To Aphrodite

I did some stream of consciousness practice tonight and wrote this to the goddess Aphrodite:

Spring and an Easter picnic.  Woods and the haunting afternoon light, dappling over soft grass and candy eggs.  We run and I love…I love the air and the frothy, floaty enchantment of forever and time unstoppable.  Touch my hand and lift me to blessedness.  I must feel your beauty.  Your grace plays to me the melody I long to hear.  Make me alive and free and fanciful.  I want the knowledge of your perfect infinity.  The children throw their pithy exertion and I yearn to reach for your soluble salvation.

M&M Madness

It’s going to rain.  I hope it’s not pouring when I’m trying to drive later.  That was hell the other day.  I have never driven in worse conditions than that day; I couldn’t see anything but the lights of the car in front of me, and that was even very faint.  I wanted to pull over, but I couldn’t tell if there was a place on the side of the road to pull over.  I saw a person on a bike that I could have actually hit.  I don’t know why I’m talking about this.

The other night, I was coming home from Cort’s–Friday night–and it was about 2 a.m., and I wanted to drive by the Creepy House by myself.  (The Creepy House is this scary-looking house in my friend’s neighborhood that we used to prank in high school just for the thrill, really.)  I didn’t, but I plan to next time I’m out that late alone.  Can you imagine how fun that would be!?  Think of the adrenaline rush….

I actually like to scare myself. This is what makes going to St. Augustine at night and just driving around so enjoyable.  It’s exciting.  You need excitement in your life, even if you have to make it up as you go.

Last night Milo and I were sitting at my house watching TV and eating Crispy M&M’s (the best ones).  There were only a few left in the bag, which I was holding, and he reached his hand in to get some out, but he had to kind of feel around for a while because there were hardly any in there, and through the bag, I could feel his hand against mine and I just felt myself go red and I turned and looked in the other direction so he wouldn’t notice, and he’s looking for M&M’s, and I’m thinking, ‘I just want to hold his hand’, but I kept myself in check.  I know I’m a strange one.  I know.  So then he went back for more M&M’s, and I was thinking, ‘Here we go again…’, and I turned away again and wanted to hide under all the pillows on the couch….  I just wanted to hold his hand.  And then I got the Beatles song stuck in my head. That’s a good song.  I am trying to change the subject.  I think I said too much.  I’m just rambling now, so maybe I should end here.

Criminal Microwaving

My sister went psycho again today; go figure. All I did this time was–get this–I walked in the door, went straight for the salmon in the fridge, and put it in the microwave so I could eat it.  She came into the kitchen and said:

“WHY DO YOU HAVE STUFF IN THE MICROWAVE!?!?!?!?”

I said, “Because it is cold.”

She said, “I WAS USING THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!!!!!!”

I said, “That’s funny; there wasn’t anything in it when I put the fish in it.  In fact, I thought you were in your room at the time.”

“THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!!!!!!!!  I WAS USING IT!!!!!!!!!  YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK IN THE DOOR AND USE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT!?!?!?!?”

*Very brief awkward silence.*

“Well, I assumed so…I mean, I live here….”

“NO!!!  YOU CAN’T!!!!  YOU HAVE TO ASK BEFORE YOU USE SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!”

“Well, considering you weren’t even in the room at the time, and Mom was the one who said, ‘Okay, I’m done with the microwave now, you can use it’, I didn’t think it essential to inquire as to your opinion.”

“YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!”

She then proceeded to try and beat the crap out of me.  What a moron.

Another Long Day

I’m at Ponte Vedra until 4 again today, by myself.  I really don’t like this.  What sucks is that I’m allowed to do pretty much whatever I want except sleep.  I could really use some of that.

We did dinner and a movie for Milo’s birthday last night.  Steak ‘n’ Shake and Batman vs. Superman.  The movie was…okay.

For some reason, I just had a flashback to kindergarten with Mrs. Green and Mrs. Varn.  I’m not sure specifically what the flashback was of, I was just playing with my mood ring and I pictured that classroom at First Presbyterian.

I remember the first day I tied my shoes by myself.  All the kids in the class (the same class) were gathered on that rug where we used to sit to listen to stories and sing and stuff, and I had noticed that my shoe had come untied.  Well, I’d been trying to learn for a long time by that point, and it was so unfair because Scotty, who came over after school every day, knew how to tie her shoes already and she was younger than me!  Anyway, so I picked up the laces in my hands and started to work at it, and Scotty noticed and she said, “You can do it, Ginny.  You really can”,  and then we were no longer paying attention to the story at all; nothing mattered except that I had to tie my shoe by myself.  I worked slowly, staring at the laces, concentrating, blocking out everything else except Scotty’s whispers of encouragement.  Finally–I got it!  Scotty gave me a high five, and then, when I was sure I had it, I even double-knotted it to show off.  That was a good day.

I really have nothing else to do today except send my thoughts into the abyss.