I got stabbed in the back on the Ides of March. This person, Jenna, who had been my friend for three and a half years, decided to take my life into her own hands. Some back story, since this blog is still pretty new. I talk about Milo a lot. I have been in love with Milo for about two and a half years now. It is entirely unrequited, but he’s also one of my closest friends, so I don’t want to lose him. And he just so happens to live at our house. I’ve always kept my feelings to myself. I didn’t want him to know until I felt the time was right–if that time ever came.
But Jenna has a crush on Milo, too. And Jenna, whom I trusted completely, decided to go to him on the Ides of March, behind my back, and ask him how he feels about me. After receiving her answer (“We’re just friends”), she called me and said, “He doesn’t like you that way. Why don’t you just move on already and give someone else a chance with him?” in the coldest and judgiest voice you could imagine.
Things have been rocky with Jenna lately. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t act maliciously. Even so, I can’t really trust her anymore like I could.
Anyway. Last night I dreamt that Milo started dating Jenna’s sister, Kara. I like Kara a lot, but apparently he likes her more than that, and I try not to worry about it because he isn’t mine to worry about.
Today Milo and I went to the Timucuan Preserve just to walk around, and he said, “So, I’ve had some very strange dreams lately”, and I, remembering my own from last night, said, “Yes, my dreams are almost always strange….”
He said, “Last night I dreamt I was dating Kara.”
I made no response.
He continued, “And Jenna was just…MEAN in this dream…we didn’t understand why she was so mean…but anyway, Kara and I were dating. I don’t know why. We just were. That was interesting.”
“I’m sure it was.”
I’m not sure what was said after that. I know I didn’t say anything. He kept talking about the dream, but I wasn’t listening at this point because I was trying to think of something else because this whole thing with the sisters is really bothering me, through no fault of Kara’s, and very little fault of Jenna’s. It’s my fault, I suppose.
I didn’t tell Milo about the obvious sharing of brain waves that we experienced last night. I thought it wise not to say anything about a dream involving him and dating.
I wish I could just tell him how I feel and magically change our situation so that he was in love with me too. But that doesn’t happen. You can’t make someone fall in love with you by simply telling them you are in love with them. Actually, there is nothing you can do to make a person fall in love with you. As many times as I have gone over and over this in my head, I can come up with no strategy, because it just is not possible.