It is so good to be back!
My parents decided to just not pay our Comcast bill for the last…like two months.
Fortunately, I continued to write my entries like normal, so I have two months’ worth of writing for you in a Word document which I shall gradually unleash upon you in as short a span of time as possible, so be expecting a few entries a day until I’m all caught up.
I got to see L’Owen the other day; I was so excited. Last Thursday I didn’t have class, so I went to see The Mormon at work (he works at the school), but I met him in his classroom once it was over, and the particular class was taught by L’Owen.
(Oddly, on the way in, I ran into Gary, and I said, “This is weird…neither one of us goes to this school anymore, and yet here we both are.”)
So I walked in and took Dean’s hand, which L’Owen immediately leapt upon. “OHH, that’s so CUTE!” he said. And then Dean started blushing, and L’Owen said, “Look at his face; he’s blushing! His face is the color of his shirt!”
It happened to be the t-shirt I had bought The Mormon for his birthday, and I said so.
We talked to L’Owen for a while, and then, a few minutes later, apparently unable to fully wrap his mind around it, the gleam suddenly came back into his eyes and he grinned at us and said, “You two…that’s just so CUTE, I can’t get over it!”
The Mormon said, “I’m going to hear about this on Tuesday now.”
Sure enough, when he got to class on Tuesday, L’Owen said, the twinkle in his eye, “Dean, that was a great trick you pulled the other day, having Ginny come in and pretend to be your girlfriend. That was just great. All that handholding, and saying she bought your shirt, I mean…I’ve gotta commend you, man.”
The Mormon is like, “What?” completely confused, until L’Owen says, “I’m just messing with you.” That is pretty damned funny. I miss L’Owen.
Another story–this one from…I can’t remember what day this was. Monday, perhaps. I was about to go into work, and I called The Mormon, who did not answer. A minute or so later, he called me, and I answered, and then I heard a muffled sound that was rather like his voice, and then silence.
Of course, being me, I immediately pictured him bound and gagged somewhere, and somehow he had managed to reach his phone and call me, and then he could not of course speak. I was instantly in rescue mode. OMB, somebody’s kidnapped my boyfriend! I thought. I must call into work right now!
I said, “What’s going on?” very tentatively, and there was more silence, but only briefly, and then he said, “Oh, I’m eating lunch, sorry.”
“Oh,” I said, deflated. I think I was actually a bit disappointed, because for one thing, that was so much less exciting, and for another, it meant I still had to go into work.
“But I was ready,” I told Michelle and Sandra later, “to go to his rescue. I didn’t know where I’d have to go or what I’d have to fight, but I was prepared to do it.”
And then I told him the story later and assured him that, if necessary, I would fight a minotaur for him. He said that was sexy and that he loved me.
Speaking of fighting a minotaur for love, I was sitting in class the other day, unable to concentrate (this has been happening a lot lately) and my mind was wandering to numerous other things. I’ve known for a while that I am going to spend the rest of my life with The Mormon. I told him, in fact, (and I may have written this in here before, but I can’t remember) that it’s just like when you ask those older couples who have been married forever how they knew they were supposed to be with the person they chose to marry, and they can’t explain it–they just knew. And I feel that way now. I just know. There is no other explanation than that. I never quite believed it when I heard things like that as a child, but…it’s true. Sometimes you just know.
But what occurred to me the other day is the answer to that–why I “just know.” The reason is simple: It is a conscious decision on my part. I have made the conscious decision to commit to him for life, no matter what. And because I have chosen this, I am able to “just know.”
The thing is, I felt that way about Milo, as well. Yes, I still love him; I’ve said that before. I believe that love never dies. But with every experience comes new knowledge, and being in love again, now, with Dean, I know that it is all a matter of choice and commitment. I chose him over Milo. I chose that I would commit to him for life. If I had been with Milo–if he had changed his mind before I’d fallen in love again–I would have committed to him as well, and then I would have “just known” with Milo. Yes, you can fall in love multiple times. You can be in a totally fulfilling relationship and still be tempted. The difference is in the commitment, in being faithful, and in not caving to temptation. There will always be temptations. Every now and then, I do find myself wondering, Well, what if I’d done that differently? What if I’d been with that guy instead? But the point is that I love Dean, and I want to be with him for the rest of our lives, and that I would never do anything to screw that up, and I trust him to do the same. Moreover, the key to being happy, I told him, is to keep the other person happy. If I endeavor to always make him happy, he will continue to want to make me happy. It’s all about faithfulness.
Every once in a while, I really surprise myself by realizing that I actually have learned something from an experience. Maybe reality is different for some other people, but all that I have just stated is truth for me.
During the same class, it occurred to me that one of the main reasons I want to move to England is so that I can do something different. I would be moving to a foreign country–across an ocean. Every day I would wake up and realize that I was in a totally different country than where I grew up. I think that would be enough excitement to last a long time. It would be an adventure–and at the same time, the culture over there is not so different that I would have to change a lot about my lifestyle. I wouldn’t have to become fluent in a new language to live there. It would be just different enough. (Also, traveling, which I would really like to do, would be a lot easier over there than over here.) But on that “different” tack–no one else in my family has done or is doing this. It would make me The One Who Moved to England. That would always be in my family’s minds. I’m the one who moved to England. I realized that if Psychobrat were also to move to England, half the appeal would immediately be gone, because I would no longer be different. I would just be doing the same thing Psychobrat did. And then I recalled that, my entire life, I always wanted to be known as doing different things than Psychobrat. That’s why I didn’t want Psychobrat to join drama–she could be known as the soccer star, but I didn’t want her taking away the thing that I had made mine. She’s everyone’s favorite, so nothing I do matters to them and I basically have no identity in my family’s minds. I’m only known to them by comparison to their image of her. Does that make any sense?
The bottom line, I realized, is just that I want to do something different. I honestly don’t care if I am ever rich or famous. I just want to be happy. And I think because I have Dean I always will be. And moving to England, I believe, would excite the senses enough for quite a while.